ROSCOEA Comic-TragedyA New Musical The story behind the trials of Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle Music: Seth Evans Book & Lyrics: Don Stitt © 2002 - FaultLine Productions -- S. Evans & D. Stitt
SCENE 1 It was the crime of the century, and three quarters of a century later, the mere mention of it would continue to incite indignation, outrage, even revulsion. It would be Hollywood's first real scandal, and the newspapermen would blur the line between lurid fact and salacious fantasy. The guys controlling the script weren't checking their facts. Not everything is as it seems in a movieland scenario... this Hollywood spectacle would be performed "on location," with Everyone's Favorite City serving as backdrop. Sure, when you're preparing for a court of law, you can call in a private dick...But who do you call to win a case in the court of public opinion? You want true crime? Mystery? Lust? Betrayal? Corruption? It's all here, pal. And it all happened. Like I said, the crime of the century. (OP sings) THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY THAT'S WHAT THE PAPERS SAID THE MOVIE STAR MUST GO TO JAIL THE LOVELY GIRL IS DEAD.... The story begins in 1921, at a movie palace not far from Los Angeles.
Scene One, Alhambra, California, August 29th, 1921, Take one!
SCENE 2 OFFSTAGE VOICE Ladies and Gentlemen, the Alhambra Bijou is proud to present one of Hollywood's heavyweights...please welcome a truly big star of the silver screen, the one, the only, Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle!
ROSCOE (singing) I'M SWEARING OFF DAMES NOW, I'M TAKIN' THE PLEDGE I'M QUITTING THE FEMININE SEX EACH GAL THAT I SEE SOON APPEARS SHE COULD BE POTENTIALLY, MY FUTURE EX... THE GAME OF ROMANCE IS A TREACHEROUS ONE IT SURE HAS IT'S UPS AND IT'S DOWNS IT ISN'T THAT FORTUNE DOESN'T SMILE AT ME, PAL IT'S THAT WHEN FORTUNE SEES ME, SHE FROWNS. OH, THE GIRLS THAT I'VE LOVED HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN KIND I'VE OFTEN BEEN WOUNDED BY FATE WHEN BEAUTY IS FLAWLESS, SOMETIMES YOU WILL FIND A FLAWED POISON-ALITY TRAIT I'VE LEARNED A FEW LESSONS I NO LONGER NEED SINCE I'VE NO MORE NEED TO PITCH WOO IF YOU'LL LET ME IMPART WISDOM LEARNED IN MY HEART I WILL HAPPILY SHARE IT WITH YOU: YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE 'EM WITH A SMILE LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO MAKE IT THE GOAL OF YOUR SOUL TO MAKE 'EM ROLL IN THE AISLE YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR 'EM HOWLING WHEN YOU LEAVE, AND MAKE YOUR EXIT RIGHT ON CUE GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, THOUGH YOU KNOW THE JOKE'S ON YOU. (spoken) Let me tell ya about the first girl I ever knew. Her name was Patty. She sure was pretty. She had blue eyes and freckles and pigtails. I was 7 and she was 6, and we were playing marbles one day and I realized I wanted to kiss her. But she kept saying she had to go home right after we were through playing, so I knew I had to think of a strategy to get her to give me a kiss. But I'm not the world's fastest thinker. So I decided to stall for time. I started to let her win. She took my aggie, my opal, my cat's eye and pretty much all of my favorite marbles. Not knowing what to do, I blurted out, "I want you to be my girlfriend," as she shot. I guess I was hoping it would distract her. No luck, she nailed my lucky marble, Bluebeard. She picked up the marbles and started to leave. I said, "How 'bout a kiss for your boyfriend?" She said, "I don't want a boyfriend who's lost his marbles!" (spoken)
(sung) (spoken)
(sung) YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, (sung)
That note was given to me by Enrico Caruso. Boy was he glad to get rid of it! (sung) THOUGH KNOW THE JOKE IS ON YOU!
Thanks folks! It's a pleasure for me to be here with you this evening, in the lovely town of Alhambra, but I have to tell you, we almost didn't make it. My friend Buster Keaton drove me down here, and we hit a nail in the road, and we got a flat tire 10 blocks away. I sent him out to take care of the tire, while I ran over here in time for the show, but you just never know what to expect from Buster...(to the follow spot) hey...Frank? You seen Buster Keaton? (to the stage manager)Charlie, you seen Buster Keaton? (to the ushers) Take a look out the front door and see if you can find my unusual little friend Buster for me...
Buster, what are you doing with that thing here? BUSTER I couldn't find a place to park. ROSCOE Well, what about the tire? BUSTER It's hard to change a tire if you can't find a place to park. ROSCOE Well, I'm trying to entertain these people here! Say, folks, are ya havin' fun? See that, Buster? BUSTER Oh, don't mind me...this'll just take a minute.
ROSCOE As I was saying, I always look forward to these personal appearances, because in movies, we don't get to have as much contact with our....WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!!
ROSCOE Thank you.
We don't get to meet our audiences because we...
As I was saying, it's important for entertainers to get to
know their
...know what the people who pay to see their films expect of them, and...
Here, step on this for a second, will ya? I'm gonna saw it off. Huh? Oh, all right. As I was saying, we miss a lot by doing our acting up there on the screen. We don't get to see you smile, or hear you laugh, or applaud, so we don't...
BUSTER I guess this'd be a good time to mention that our new picture, The Garage, is coming soon to a theater near you, and I'm working on my own picture called Cops, and that'll be out some time next year. Anyhow, thanks for coming!
SCENE 3 Great work, boys! Just great. Wow! Do you hear that ovation? Hear it? The music of my youth? I wonder why people always think silent actors can't hear. Fatty! Get out there and take another bow! Buster? Shall we? Tally ho!
They've always been spirited in Alhambra. Spirited? Any more spirit and we'd have a riot! What a way to go out.
Well, I mean, Buster's going off to Schenk's to star in his own flickers, and Roscoe goes down to Paramount with me Monday to renew his contract. This was probably your last time working together...at least for a while. I mean, you won't be at the same studio every day working on the same picture, that's for sure. I hadn't thought of that. I'll be damned. You're right!
Ah, what are we talkin' about. Hollywood's a small town. Just 'cause I'm not working for you doesn't mean I won't see ya. Of course not. Still, the daily routine won't be the same without you. Well, you have only yourself to blame for my film stardom, Roscoe. If you hadn't put me to work, I'd still be doing three a day in vaudeville.
FRED Thanks for coming down, Buster. My pleasure. We had some laughs, huh? Always did. Hey, I just remembered...I'm driving up to Frisco later in the week. I'm throwin' a Labor Day party to blow off some steam. Gimme a chance to show off my new Pierce-Arrow. (feigning awe) Pierce-Arrow! That's twenty five grand that looks like a million. I've booked three rooms at the St. Francis for the weekend. I figured we'd bring in a couple of bottles of hooch, maybe a couple of girls... Maybe a couple cases of hooch and a couple dozen girls... ...well, whaddya say, Buster? Wanna come? It'll be fun! Yeah, maybe. If I'm not wrestling with Natalie's lawyers, I may take you up on it. He says she's not even gonna let me visit my own kids. I gave her the house, I gave her the car, I gave her the bankbook .... and I've got to negotiate to see my own kids. Marriage. A great institution. If you ever again find me considering marriage, I want you to have me locked up in a great institution. Gimme a call about that party. See ya round, Roscoe. Take care, Fred. See ya, Buster. Bye.
I sure hate to go to Paramount without him. It doesn't look like they want to pay enough for the both of you. Besides, he wants to do his own movies. He was right when he said you have no one to blame but yourself for his being a star. Now, I have to run. I'm meeting Mabel Normand for dinner. She may be leaving Sennett, and Paramount would want to know. I'll meet you at the front gate Monday morning at 10:30. All right, Freddy. See you then. Hiya, boys. Hello, Minta. And goodbye, Minta! Minta! You're just in time! We were just starting with the ex-wife jokes.
Keep those support checks coming, darling, and you can make all the jokes that you like.
What brings you here? Oh, it was a nice evening for a drive, and I hadn't heard you sing in years. You drove 28 miles to hear your ex-husband sing? It was the voice I fell in love with, all those years ago. I'll tell you a secret. I miss you sometimes, too. Oh, that voice. When I miss your face, I can always pick up a fan magazine. And when I miss your sense of humor, I can go down to the picture show. But it's August, and that makes me think of our wedding, and I saw in the paper that you were going to be singing, and...here I am. How'd I sound? Not bad, for a silent comedian.
Gee, Minty, it's great to see ya. You look terrific. And you smell delicious! Say...Why did we ever break up? (affectionately yet deliberately) Because you are positively impossible. (absent mindedly) Oh, yeah. "Our marriage wasn't wrecked. It was warped. Eight years of never being out of each other's sight would put a blight on most marriages." (sings "I Couldn't Love You More")
Hey, Marriage is a two way street, and you're puttin' up one-way signs. (sings) YOU BECAME A CHORE AND I BECAME A MESS AND THEN YOU HIT THE DOOR AND NOW MY HEART I FRESS SINCE LA BELLE AMOUR NEEDS A LIGHT FINESSE I COULDN'T LOVE YOU MORE SO I HAD TO LOVE YOU LESS IN THE VERNACULAR THINGS WEREN'T SPECTACULAR SOON WE FOUND OUR MARRIAGE ON THE LINE SEVERED LEGALITY, UTTER FINALITY STILL, OUR TWO ATTORNEYS MADE OUT FINE SOMETIMES LESS IS MORE SOMETIMES MORE IS LESS THE SAME OLD THING'S A BORE AND WE WERE BORED, I GUESS STILL, I MUST CONFESS AS I HAVE DONE BEFORE I HAD TO LOVE YOU LESS 'CAUSE I COULDN'T LOVE YOU MORE IT COMES AS NO SURPRISE MARRIAGE IS COMPROMISE STILL, WE LOST THE BATTLE JUST THE SAME WHAT'S NOT PREVENTABLE CAN BE LAMENTABLE WITH DIVORCE YOU DIVVY UP THE BLAME ONE CAN ONLY GUESS WHAT LIVING HAS IN STORE WE PLAY THE GAME LIKE CHESS YET NEVER KNOW THE SCORE IN SPITE OF EACH CARESS YOU KNOW THAT I ADORE I'LL HAVE TO LOVE YOU LESS 'CAUSE I COULDN'T LOVE YOU MORE. I'LL LOVE YOU LESS SINCE I CAN'T LOVE YOU MORE
(sing) PARAMOUNT, PARAMOUNT, PARAMOUNT! EVERYTHING'S FINE DOWN AT MELROSE AND VINE WHEN YOU'RE A GOOD LOOKING GIRL OH, MAKING A NAME IS LIKE STAKING A CLAIM HERE IN THE HOLLYWOOD WHIRL IF YOU HAVE PLUCK AND A SMIDGEON OF LUCK YOU OUGHTA GIVE IT A TWIRL OH, ALL THE GIRLS ARE HOPIN' THEY'LL BE A STAR HERE, IN THE HOLLYWOOD WHIRL THE TWENTIETH CENTURY'S OVER TWENTY-ONE NOW (DO-WACKA-DO!) LEAVE IT TO CONGRESS TO LOUSE UP ALL HER FUN NOW (TWENTY THREE SKIDDOO!) LIQUOR'S A CRIME 'CUZ THE VOLSTEAD ACT'S BEGUN NOW (BOOP-BOOPA DO!) AND THE OUTLAWS LIVE THE BEST IN THE HEART OF THE WILD, WILD WEST DO AS YOU PLEASE PUT SOME ROUGE ON YOUR KNEES SET YOUR BOBBED HAIR IN A CURL IF YOU LIKE SIN AND TOBACCO AND GIN YOU'LL LOVE THE HOLLYWOOD WHIRL
IF YOU HAVE PLUCK AND A SMIDGEON OF LUCK YOU OUGHTA GIVE IT A TWIRL OH, ALL THE GIRLS ARE HOPIN' THEY'LL BE A STAR HERE, IN THE HOLLYWOOD WHIRL IT'S GOOFY AND GAUDY IT'S BOOZY AND BAWDY IT'S SAUCY AND SASSY IT'S NAUGHTY AND BRASSY IT'S SILKY AND LACY IT'S RAUNCHY AND RACY HERE IN THE HOLLYWOOD WHIRL The bidding war for the services of Roscoe Conklin a.k.a. "Fatty" Arbuckle had ballooned out of proportion in a town little known for it's restraint. Paramount was the big winner; they had procured the talents of the second most popular comedy star in Hollywood for the unheard-of price of $3 million per year, plus artistic control. Then as now, Hollywood hotshots had a cavalier disregard of hard-earned-cash. Giving Roscoe the money didn't bother them a bit. What Arbuckle had won in the bidding wars of 1921 was what the studio heads hated to relinquish; power and control. Scene Five: Paramount Front Office. Lock 'er up!
...and if you'll initial here...and here...and this rider here, and down here we need your full, legal signature, and here, and here, and here... I'm getting writers' cramp. Maybe you need to shorten your name. He's kidding, isn't he? It's the name Fatty Arbuckle that's worth the 3 million dollars. And the artistic control. Er, yes. Well, we want our stars to be happy, and Roscoe, you are the biggest star in Hollywood. Unless you count Chaplin. I meant pound for pound. Your value to Paramount is immeasurable, Roscoe. The film industry is exploding. Most American families go to the picture show once a week. That's a lot of quarters, my friend. With Chaplin, Fairbanks and Pickford starting United Artists and Sam Goldwyn and Louis Mayer starting Metro, and Jack Warner and his brothers, there's a lot of competition and our little enterprise is going to have to give the people what they want if we're going to survive in the pig pond. That's why we want you to be happy.
Well, it sure is a prestigious lot. I love showing it to people. All these nice, modern bungalows. And that GATE! Boy, you really know you're in a Hollywood studio when you see that wrought-iron gate, huh? We never had anything like that on the Sennett lot, did we Fred? Isn't it funny how quickly things change? The stuff that seemed so important on the Sennett lot 6 or 7 years ago looks so unimportant today.
Like Mack himself. The last 7 years have brought a lot of changes 'round this town. These days, cowboy stars don't even have to know how to ride. Hell, the biggest Western star in town is Rin Tin Tin. Well, as always, we want you to know that if there's anything the studio can get for you, it's yours. As I said, we want you to be happy. At 3 million per year, there isn't much you can give me that I can't buy myself. Mail Call!
Armetta...Babille...Banky...Barhtelmess.... Hey, Fred...c'mere! (Pointing out the window to the mail-call) There's something from the Sennett days that hasn't changed much at all. Which one. That little brunette there. Remember her? Remember her? I remember what they SAID about her. What did they say about her. She was a....
She was the sort of girl who was reticent to refuse an invitation from a gentleman. I wouldn't know. I never invited her. I could never think of her name.
they, Roscoe? Which one was it you were interested in? Rapp! That's Rappe! (Pronounced rap-pay.) Yeah, that's it. Virginia Rappe! (Initially disdainful) Oh yes, Miss Rappe. One of our newer contract players. I think she's going out with Henry "Pathe" Lehrman.. (Disappointed) Oh, really? Path directed a couple of my pictures. But....NOT exclusively. Oh, so she....uh.... Gets around? You could say that. Yeah, some things haven't changed much at all. Would you like to meet her, Roscoe? Oh, we've met. I'm pretty sure she'd remember me. I mean, I sure remember her. You don't forget a girl like that. Hey, Mr. Zukor, did you mean it when you said you'd do anything to make me happy? Sure, Roscoe. Well, I'm throwing a big party at the St. Francis Hotel in Frisco over the weekend, and I got some of the fellers comin', but nobody for them to dance with, and I was wonderin'... ...you were wonderin' if Virginia and some of her girlfriends would be interested in a weekend of jazz and food and dancing and libation? Roscoe's like most comedians, Mr. Zukor. He doesn't take rejection all that well. Could ya find out if she'd be interested, and if she is, have her give me a call at the house before Thursday. I'd love to have her come to my party! I'll be glad to ask her for you, Roscoe. And I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that the two of you danced the night away on a hill by the bay. Hey, thanks a lot. Gee, I like it here already. I'll see ya next week. See ya, Mr. Zukor. All right, boys. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Miss Rappe! Excuse me! Miss Rappe! Yes, you. Would you come to my office right away? Thank you.
You wanted to see me, sir? Yes, Miss Rappe. If it's on account of my being away from the studio last week, I have a note from my doctor... No, Miss Rappe, please. Won't you sit down?
Really? Oh, I hope it's Buddy Rogers. He has the most beautiful eyes... It's a much bigger star than Buddy Rogers. Ooh, who is it? Tell me! It's Roscoe Arbuckle. (She is deflated.) He wanted to invite you to a party he's throwing up north of here. Wanted to know if you might be able to bring along some girlfriends who like to laugh and dance and have a good time. Aww, I don't like fat guys. And Roscoe's so sappy, I don't know what to talk to him about. I mean, he's a nice enough fella, but he's a dope. (flirtatiously) Anything for you, A.Z.
we'll need gas and food and... Here's five hundred dollars. You can keep what you don't spend. Five hundred? Say...What's the catch? I just want you to go and have a good time. Take along some girlfriends who like to have a good time. Make sure everyone has a good time. And that it looks like they're having a good time. You know George, my publicity man? Well, it would make me very happy if you and Roscoe could be seen together having a good time. Seen together...and photographed. boss. You've got a deal.
Virginia Rappe called Roscoe Arbuckle at his home that very night. Arbuckle Home, Scene Six, Quiet, everybody! We're tryin' to shoot here. Pete, ring the bell, willya?
Hello? me. Golly, Virginia, I mean, it's great to hear your voice. Uh, yeah, I'm throwing a little Labor Day get-together this weekend, and I wanted to know if you wanted to come? The St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco. Well, I thought it would be great to get away from the Hollywood rat race. (He sings "A Little Harmless Fun") HEY! WHADDYA SAY? WE TAKE A DRIVE TO THE BAY. A QUICK GETAWAY. IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN OKAY, EH? WHEN YOU WORK HARD, YOU PLAY HARD SO WHEN WORK IS DONE WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING JUST A LITTLE HARMLESS FUN? BUT WHAT'LL WE DO? WHEN I GET UP THERE WITH YOU? PLAY MUSIC THAT'S BLUE? AND WILL THERE BE COCKTAILS TOO? OOH! A VACATION! ELATION! 'CAUSE WHEN WORK IS DONE WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING JUST A LITTLE HARMLESS FUN? EVERYBODY SETTLES INTO THEIR ROUTINE. WHAT WE ALL COULD USE IS JUST A CHANGE OF SCENE, (spoken) All right, Fatty, I'll be there. Where is it? The St. Francis Hotel. I'll be in room 1220. Can I bring a couple of girlfriends? That'd be swell. The more the merrier, I always say!
Hello? Hey, Maude, it's Virginia. Wanna go to a party? Where? San Francisco. What?! Are you out of your.... It's being hosted by a millionaire! I just ADORE San Francisco! (sings) SAY, WHADDYA THINK? THEY'RE SERVING GOOD FOOD AND DRINK. BE THERE IN THE PINK AND YOU MIGHT PICK UP A MINK! THINK! HE'S GOT MONEY, HE'S FUNNY (THO' HE WEIGHS A TON.) WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING JUST A LITTLE HARMLESS FUN? Who's the millionaire? Fatty Arbuckle! Oh, sister....you have called the right gold-digger. See if you can think of any other girls who'd like to take a trip up north for some....prospecting! I know just the gal!
Buster! Glad you called. I was watching your new flicker yesterday. It's great, but...Do you realize you never smiled once in the whole film? WELL, WOULDN'T YA KNOW? I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO. PRODUCTION'S TOO SLOW ON THIS HERE NEW PICTURE SHOW, SO.... YOU CAN PLAY WHILE I WORK IN THE HOLLYWOOD SUN I WON'T BE HAVING ANY STINKIN' FUN!
Hello? Hello, Zey? What's up? The Graf Zeppelin. Why? Have I got a proposition for you. (sings) SO, WHADDYA KNOW? I KNOW A FELLER WITH DOUGH AND A PARTY TO THROW. D'JA THINK THAT YOU WANNA GO? OH? RECREATION? LIBATION? I'M IN! GOTTA RUN! AIN'T NO HARM IN JUST A LITTLE HARMLESS FUN?
JUST A LITTLE . . . JUST A LITTLE . . . JUST A LITTLE . . . JUST A LITTLE . . .
IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
What happened next would be the subject of controversy for many years to come.. Here are the facts. On September 4, 1921, Roscoe and Fred Fischbach arrived at the St. Francis Hotel in Roscoe's Pierce-Arrow, and checked into rooms 1219, 1220, and 1221 . The following morning, Virgina Rappe, Maude Delmont and Al Semnacher entered room 1220. They had each taken rooms at the nearby Palace hotel, as had Ira Fortlouis, who seems to have known Virginia Rappe from her days as a lingerie model. (A lot of people had taken an interest in Virgina Rappe, or so it seems.) .Zey Prevon and Alice Blake, two showgirls, also joined the party at some point. From all accounts, the party was a great deal of fun. Arbuckle had large quantities of food, Gin, Whiskey and orange juice delivered, despite the threat of prohibition, and in fact, it appears that the whole purpose of the party, for most of those involved, was to consume good food and liquor, to dance to jazz recordings, and to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. Rumors of the showgirls dancing in various states of undress persist to this day. It is precisely because of the vast anounts of liquor consumed that the details of what followed would differ substantially, depending on who was telling the tale.We know that a drunken Virginia Rappe went into the bathroom of room 1221 in the early afternoon, and began to throw up. While she was in the bathroom, Arbuckle joined her and shut the door; another 15 minutes would go by before either one was seen.It is this 15 minutes that would be in question for a long time to come. Did something happen in that time? Something violent? Sexual? Scandalous? The only two people who could say for certain were Virginia and Roscoe.We DO know that Roscoe helped clean Virginia up, wrapped her in his dressing gown, and laid her out on his bed. He then admitted some guests to the party in his pajama bottoms, and joked with his friends. But Virginia's condition didn't improve when she stopped vomitting; some accounts suggest that she had begun hemoraging vaginally by this point. We do know that she became hysterical, despite or perhaps because of the alcohol she had ingested. She became convinced that she was dying, and for reasons that are still unclear, she began to rip off her clothing. Fred Fischbach drew a cold bath while quibbling with Maude Delmont over the best treatment for Virginia's mysterious condition. Ice was added to the already cold bathwater, and Fischbach lowered the nude and still-screaming Rappe into it to stop or slow the hemorhaging. This treatment may have made matters worse instead of better.We do know that the icewater did NOT make her scream any the less. Roscoe carried the girl to a near-by suite and put her to bed. The hotel's house doctor was called in, as was another local physician. Roscoe returned to his party to find that most of his guests were leaving. The general consensus seems to have been that Virginia's illness had been brought on by too much bootleg gin; "she'd be fine when she'd slept it off." Roscoe left her in the care of the St. Francis hotel, and took a steamship back to Los Angeles.The staff of the St. Francis had Virginia admitted to a nearby hospital the following Thursday.She was examined by several doctors and nurses, none of whom seemed particulary alarmed by her condition upon her arrival. But by the end of the week, Virginia took a turn for the worse.(Underscoring ends.) On Friday, Virginia died.
Hey, who the hell are you people. What are you doing on my property? You better get out of here before I call the cops. Were you involved with the girl for a long time? Is it true that you had a falling out with Henry Lehrman? Who supplied you with the illegal liquor? Do you think the publicity will affect you at the box office? Look, fellas, I don't know what you're talking about. If you have any questions, talk to my secretary at the studio. I know better than to say anything until I know what you're talkin' about. Now please, fellas, off my property until I have something to say. Don't make me call my security goons. They don't play nice. Now get outta here.
Hey pal, that goes for you to. I'm sure the publicity department at Paramount can answer any questions you have about...whatever it is that you want to know. Roscoe Arbuckle? Yes? You are under arrest for the murder of Virginia Rappe.
Roscoe Arbuckle was formally charged with murder in San Francisco on Saturday, Sept. 10th.
They say that sharks can smell blood from a mile away. And that in a matter of minutes, the smell can lure a whole school of 'em. Scene Nine: Lehrman Studio. Okay, everybody, let's do it.
I'm glad the fat bastard got nailed, see? Arbuckle's been pressuring me lately to pay back the money I owe him. I told him I'd give it to him when I can, but he's become a pest. How much do you owe him? I owe him plenty. Never you mind. I gave him my studio these last 10 months just to give him somethin' as a payback, since I was flat broke, but that wasn't enough for the slob. This is where you two come in. I've hatched a little scheme to get him off my back once and for all, and turn us a tidy little profit as well. What have you got up your sleeve, Path? What else? A plan to turn nothin' into somethin'. Just like we all do in the movie business. Cook up an entertaining story and see if it makes you rich. It will have to be a pretty big lie for us to get rich off it. The bigger the lie, the more the people want to believe it. He's so well-known, we can say anything we want to. Blackmail is a possibility...but we can probably make the same kind of money by telling the right tales to the right reporters.We'll make some money off Arbuckle's hide, whether he pays us or the tabloids do. I'm still not sure I get what you're suggesting. If you wanna make money in Hollywood, you gotta give the people a show. I'm proposing an entertainment. A money-making venture. Just a little street theater, ya know? If we do the right dancin', they'll start throwin' pennies to us. Do tell. This is a little number I call The Extortion Tango. Ooooh! May I have this dance...? (dancing with Maude He sings "Extortion Tango") HE'S FRIENDLY AND HE'S TRUSTING WE COULD BE QUITE UNDERHANDED AND I'M CERTAIN HIS WALLET MUST BE BUSTING LET'S TELL SOME TALES THAT ARE CANDID MAKE THEM FULL OF BOOZE AND LUSTING ROPE HIM IN WITH TALES FICTICIOUS MAKE THE STORIES REAL DISGUSTING JUST BECAUSE WE'RE AVARICIOUS! OH, YEAH! THE TIME IS RIPE FOR SOMETHING TREACH'ROUS A TALE LASCIVIOUS AND AND AND LECH'ROUS WE'LL GIVE THE FACTS A SLIGHT CONTORTION AND SOON BE RICHER FROM EXTORTION SHALL WE DANCE... THE EXTORTION TANGO! THERE'S PROFIT IN EXTORTION IF YOU DON'T MIND BEING SLEAZY AND YOU KNOW THAT THERE'S MONEY IN DISTORTION LET'S DO IT NOW SINCE IT'S EASY IF HE DOESN'T PAY OUR RANSOM HE'LL BE GOIN' TO THE HOOSEGOW MOVIE STARS LOOK MIGHTY HANDSOME WITH THEIR NECK INSIDE A NOOSE NOW OH, SURE! LET'S SET UP FATTY FOR A BILKING THE CASH COW'S READY FOR A MILKING WE'LL MAKE HIM OUT TO BE A VILLAIN AND IN THE PROCESS MAKE A KILLIN' SHALL WE DANCE...THE EXTORTION TANGO! I CAN TELL THE POLICE THAT SHE HAD BEEN ABUSED THAT HER TIME AT THE PARTY LEFT HER TRAUMATIZED AND BRUISED WE SHOULD MAKE IT OUTRAGEOUS SO THAT EVERYONE'S AMUSED WHAT A LAUGH ! WHAT A LAUGH! IT WILL BE IT WILL BE WHEN THE FAT GUY'S ACCUSED AS WE SOAK HIM! YOU'RE BRILLIANT I'M A GENIUS ALTHOUGH YOU ARE SORT OF SMARMY ALL THE PAPERS WILL PRINT THIS WHEN THEY'VE SEEN THIS WE'LL HIT HIM HARD LIKE AN ARMY I'LL TELL STORIES THAT ARE PHONY AND INSPIRE HIM TO ACTION AND IN NO TIME HE WILL PONY LOTS OF DOUGH FOR A RETRACTION OH SURE! NOTHING PERKS UP LIFE'S BANALITY QUITE LIKE A BIT OF CRIMINALITY GET HIS DONATION IN OUR BEGGARS' CUP HE'LL PAY US PLENTY JUST TO SHUT US UP! LET'S SET UP FATTY FOR A BILKING THE CASH COW'S READY FOR A MILKING CAN YOU CONCOCT A TALE FOR BLACKMAIL? NOW, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN MY KNACK FAIL? SHALL WE DANCE... THE EXTORTION TANGO! OLE!
Still, the defense team had good reason to be optimistic.But they hadn't counted on a force of nature that could wreak havok like a natural disaster. They hadn't counted on William Randolph Hearst. Scene Ten :Hearst Syndicate, President's Office. We're rolling!
Bernstein? Yes, Mr. Hearst. Listen, I just got the numbers for the weekend edition of the Examiner, and they are astronomical! I checked to see what the headline was, and it was because that movie clown, Fatty Argyle... Fatty Arbuckle... ...whatever, was charged with murder. Did you like the touch of the superimposed prison bars over a studio stock shot? I thought that one up myself. Atta boy, Bernstein. I want you to give me a lot more of that sort of thing. What are you talking about? I want you to call the editor of every paper in the syndicate, and I want you to tell them to run headlines about the Fatty Beltbuckle... ...Arbuckle... ...whatever, murder case until further notice.I want you to find me the three most imaginative writers I have, and tell them I want them to write me nothing but Arbuckle stories. The more outrageous, the better. I'll have a bonus for the story that sells the most copies. But the charges against Arbuckle are lookin' pretty weak, boss. So weak that the murder charge was dropped entirely. The DA barely got the judge to admit a charge of manslaughter. Most people who know what their talkin' about say she died because she was sick. That's fine. (As if he was unaware he'd just said it) I want you to call the editor of every paper in the syndicate, and I want you to tell them all to run headlines about the Fatty Arbuckle murder case until further notice! The more outrageous, the better. Even if he didn't do anything? Bernstein, Rule Number One: Never let the facts get in the way of the journalism. (He sings "Big Numbers") ARBUCKLE'S TALE IS AN ISSUE THAT IS HOT SCANDAL REALLY SELLS BUT ALAS, THE TRUTH DOES NOT WHO CARES WHAT THE FACTS ARE PEOPLE WANT SENSATION I'LL PRINT ALMOST ANYTHING THAT'S GOOD FOR CIRCULATION BIG NUMBERS BIG NUMBERS WE CAN'T SELL OUR ADS WITHOUT BIG NUMBERS GET THE BULLSHIT TO THEIR STOOP AS THE CITY SLUMBERS THIS GAME IS ALL ABOUT BIG NUMBERS (they dance a lick) BACK IN '98 WHEN WE WENT TO WAR WITH SPAIN SOME FEARED WHAT WE'D LOSE BUT I KNEW WHAT WE'D GAIN I TOLD MY REPORTERS 'THERE'S LOTS WORTH FIGHTING FOR... YOU SUPPLY THE COPY AND I'LL SUPPLY THE WAR!' BIG NUMBERS BIG NUMBERS CAN'T BUY CITY HALL WITHOUT BIG NUMBERS BULLSHIT WALKS BUT MONEY TALKS TAKING ANY COMERS THIS GAME IS ALL ABOUT BIG NUMBERS (they dance a lick) EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT MOVIE STARS AND MADNESS I GET VERY VERY HAPPY GETTING RICH OFF PEOPLE'S SADNESS IF, ON OCCASION, WE FABRICATE SOME CAPERS? HEY, IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, MISTER, I'M JUST PEDDLIN' PAPERS GIVE THE FOLKS A SCANDAL SOMETHING WE CAN PANDER AND IF THERE'S NO SCANDAL WE'LL FABRICATE SOME SLANDER GIVE 'EM SOMETHING LURID LIKE DEGENERATION FACTS ARE FINE, OH, SURE, KID BUT I WANT CIRCULATION BIG NUMBERS BIG NUMBERS YOU CAN'T RULE THE WORLD WITHOUT BIG NUMBERS WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN FOR WHO- EVER IT ENCUMBERS LET US PEDDLE PAPERS WITH BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG NUMBERS! By the way, Bernstein, it might not be a bad idea to "forget" that Rappe has two "p's".
So it quickly became a contest among the reporters to see who could create the most eye-catching headlines... Scene Eleven: Examiner Layout Room. Roll 'em!
All right, whaddya got? How about this?'A number of chorus girls joined the party, and they started dancing in various states of undress.' Feh. Whaddya mean 'Feh'? How excited do you want me to get. For all we know, that mighta happened! You, I suppose, have something that outdoes naked showgirls? Ahem. 'The defendant threw himself, Keystone Kops-style, onto the poor defenseless girl as she lay naked on the bed, crushing her entrails with the weight of his massive bulk.'(he smiles proudly.) Not bad, junior, not bad. But I am afraid you are looking at the guy who is going to pick up the bonus. Dazzle us with simile and metaphor. With wit and syntax. Paint for us a vivid picture with words. Startle, jostle, shock and amaze us, oh master. We bask in your aura and eagerly await your divine prose. 'The bladder may have ruptured when the defendant, unable to perform sexually because of his corpulence, raped the innocent young lady with a coca-cola bottle.' (The other two are stunned beyond words.) Well? Well what? Well, whaddya think? Wow. I think you're even more imaginative than I gave you credit for. Sicker, too. Sex, violence and a fat joke...it's got everything. Yeah, but...whaddya think about the WRITING? I think you just won yerself a bonus. Hey, does anybody know where I can find a reporter around here? Who are you, lady? I'm the woman who swore the murder charge against Arbuckle.
What did he do to her? How did he do it? Did you get any pictures we can use? It's like this, see... (She sings "Maude's Tale") IT WAS HOT ON NOB HILL THOUGH THE FOG IN THE AIR CAUSED A CHILL THERE WAS MUSIC AND VICE AND FOR PLEASURE ONE DOES PAY A PRICE AT THE SAINT FRANCIS SUITE THERE WAS PLENTY TO DRINK AND TO EAT IT WAS JUMPING WITH JIVE WHEN VIRGINIA AND I SHOULD ARRIVE FATTY CAME TO THE DOOR PAJAMAS WAS ALL THAT HE WORE HE BROKE OUT IN A GRIN AND HE TOLD US WE BOTH SHOULD COME IN "DID YOU COME VERY FAR?" FATTY ASKED AS HE SHOWED US THE BAR WE'RE REPELLED BY THE STINK SINCE VIRGINIA AND I NEVER DRINK WE BOTH FOUND HIM A BORE BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS IN STORE "MAY I USE YOUR BATHROOM?" WAS THE QUESTION THAT LED TO HER DOOM. TO HIS ROOM SHE WAS LED THEN HE PUSHED GINNY DOWN ON THE BED THEY WERE THERE FOR AN HOUR THIS FAT MAN AND MY DELICATE FLOWER WHEN HE FINALLY RETURNED T'WAS THEN THAT THE HORROR WAS LEARNED MY POOR FRIEND WHOM I MOURN LAY THERE RAVISHED WITH ALL HER CLOTHES TORN IT WAS HOT ON NOB HILL THOUGH THE FOG IN THE AIR CAUSED A CHILL BUT I'LL TELL YA THIS TWICE THAT FOR PLEASURE ONE DOES PAY A PRICE (spoken) May we quote you in the papers, Mrs. Delmont? Oh, I wish you would.... (sings) WELL, I'VE SAID IT NOW THRICE, (sing - reprise of Big Numbers)
The sensational stories in the press put pressure on the District Attorney's office to make a rush to judgement. If even a tenth of what they were saying was true, then Arbuckle must be a monster. The fact that it happened a few months before the official election year campaigning was to begin was just a matter of comic timing... Scene Twelve: District Attorney Press Conference.San Francisco Court House. Action!
Mr. Brady will be taking your questions pertaining to the Arbuckle Murder charge only. He will not be taking any election-related questions at this time. Why not? District Attorney Brady has not yet formally announced his intention to run for Governor next year. When do you think he will be announcing that? Perhaps momentarily. (BRADY glowers at him.) Er, gentlemen, I give you the District Attorney for the City of San Francisco, Matthew Brady. On September 9th, a young woman named Virginia Rappe died at The Wakefield Sanitorium after being brought in by the staff of the St. Francis Hotel. We believe her death was brought about by Roscoe Conkling Arbuckle, and we are charging him with murder in the first degree. The people of San Francisco will not tolerate the drunkenness and lechery that these Hollywood Hooligans are associated with within the walls of their fair city. During my term as your District Attorney, I like to believe that I have helped to restore law and order. In fact, I should like very much to expand the lawfulness we have brought to our city statewide, and perhaps I shall be permitted to, a year from November. (shoots a look at U'Ren.) But for now, we have charged a famous man with a despicable crime, and it does not matter to us one whit that the eyes of the world will be upon this case. What matters is the common good! (He sings "In the Name of Decency") IN THE NAME OF DECENCY WITH SWIFTNESS AND AGILITY THIS ACTOR WILL BE TRIED TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY IN THE NAME OF DECENCY TO PRESERVE OUR TOWN'S INTEGRITY HE'LL BE PROSECUTED WELL IN THE MANNER THAT HE'S BEGGED TO BE OUR CITY IS CIVILIZED SOME SAY THE JEWEL OF THE STATE WE CAN'T LET BARBARIANS TARNISH THE GOLDEN GATE THIS SORT OF SCANDAL (U'REN echoes this line) DECENT FOLKS DETEST ( " " " ") WE'LL SHOW L.A. THAT SAN FRANCISCO'S NOT THE WILD WEST IN THE NAME OF DECENCY FOR THE GOOD OF ALL HUMANITY GET THIS MENACE OFF THE STREETS RID OURSELVES OF THIS INSANITY AND IN THE YEAR TO COME IT'S THIS SERVICE YOU'LL REMEMBER FEEL FREE TO SHOW YOUR THANKS WITH YOUR BALLOT IN NOVEMBER WHEN YOU VOTE FOR MATTHEW BRADY A NAME OF INTEGRITY A NAME OF DIGNITY A NAME OF DECENCY
But right from the start, competent legal authorities were dubious of the veracity of the prosecution's case. The judge wouldn't admit a charge of murder to be filed at all, and Brady had to settle for a charge of manslaughter. The legal eagles Zukor hired all agreed that the facts were decidedly in their favor, with the exception of one consultant, one Clarence Darrow, who refused to take the case.... He said,"Arbuckle's weight will damn him; regardless of the truth" The Hearst Newspapers used Arbuckle's reputation like a rugby ball. When they weren't kicking it around, they were dragging it though the mud.
ScenThirteen: Pinkerton Detective Agency, Market Street Office waiting area. Roll 'em! (ROSCOE is reading The Examiner.) My God, Fred, have you seen what they're writing about me? Take it easy, Roscoe. Everything's gonna be all right. The studio's prepared to put up all the expenses and pay all the legal fees it has to while you plan your defense. How can this be happening? The studio has assigned it's top lawyer to the case, and his track record is as good as it gets. I just don't understand... The lawyer wanted to know if we could afford a private investigator, so Zukor told him to hire the best. What do I need a private investigator for? The DA is trying to make Virgina out to be some demure model of womanhood who's been corrupted by the evils of show business... Now, I liked Virginia, and I'm sorry she died, but she was no...I mean...she'd been around the block a coupla times... ...so that he can make you out to be the evil Hollywood degenerate who killed her. What? Why in God's name... I'm sorry, Roscoe, but that's what you're up against. This Matthew Brady, the San Francisco DA, is hell-bent on getting into the governor's office. He sees a lot of publicity in a murder trial involving a big celebrity. Publicity means money. Figure it out, Roscoe...to a politician, it doesn't matter if you're innocent or guilty. It only matters if you can, you know, DO for 'em. You can do more for this politician by taking a bum rap. That's why you need a detective. To prove that Virginia was no...wasn't the person they're portraying her as. To prove that she died because she was sick, not because you murdered her by.... By what...? Well, Roscoe...by some accounts, you supposedly...SUPPOSEDLY... damaged her internally when you, er...inserted a bottle into her, uh, birth canal. What? One report says it was a coke bottle, one says it was a beer bottle, one even says it was a champagne bottle. One paper, three different bottles. I think I may throw up. Another report says that you....wait, I have it here... (reads from a folded up newspaper clipping) "...ruptured the victim's bladder when he hurled himself, slapstick style, onto the girl as she lay on the bed." Oh, I'm not just a pervert, I'm a fat pervert. Who thought this stuff up? Or worse, who's going to believe it. (An uncomfortable pause.) You don't believe it do you, Fred? Roscoe, I know it's not true. The girl died of peritonitis. At least that's what the autopsy report said. It's pretty hard to murder a person with peritonitis. But it doesn't matter what I think, and it doesn't matter whether it's true or not. The papers are running wild with these stories, for whatever reasons, and the public may be believing it. There have been boycotts of Fatty Arbuckle pictures from Wyoming to Texas. The only way to clear your name is by winning in court of law. That's why we called The Pinkerton Agency. Would you mind talking to the fellow? Oh, all right. Mr. Fischbach, Mr. Arbuckle, good day. I'm so sorry to have kept you both waiting. You see, we here at the Pinkerton Agency believe in doing things thoroughly, and by the book. Yes sir. Your reputation precedes you. Well, I'm glad I took that last call. You see, it was from my superiors in Los Angeles, and...well, I must admit, this is an embarrassing position to be in, but...I'm afraid we won't be able to take your case. But, I'm innocent. Really! We have a blank check from Paramount here, if it's about the money... Please, you have to help me... It's impossible, I'm afraid. But, why? I really can't comment, officially. But since I brought you all the way down here for nothing, (sotto voce) I will tell you something unofficially. Off the record. Yes? One of the few circumstances that would prevent us from offering our services to a party would be a potential conflict of interest. I'm very sorry we can't be of assistance. And now, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me.
Damn. They're working for the prosecution. Oh, no! This is where I come in. (lights a cigarette, over bluesy sax) I'm an operative for the Pinkerton Detective Agency. You know, a private eye. A shamus. A gumshoe. A private dick. (coughs, throws cigarette away.) Filthy habit. Anyways, like I was sayin', detective work isn't quite like they make it out to be. Those pulp novels make it sound glamorous and exciting, but most cases are like the Arbuckle case was for me...long days and longer nights of reading and reasearching, checking facts, of finding to people and listening to 'em talk..... (sings, bluesy) WHAT'S OUR SUSPECT TOLD THE POLICE.... MAYBE THAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO BEGIN... "I did not hurt Virginia Rappe in any way whatever. I never had any intention of hurting her. I would not hurt any woman.Whatever motive inspired the people who accused me, it was not knowledge that I had done the thing they said I did. It seems almost impossible to me that anyone could be so cruel and malicious as to make such terrible charges against a man without the most positive proof to support those charges, and yet that is what happened. I was accused of saying and doing things that never entered my mind, and not only that, but things I did say and do were twisted and misinterpreted until they sounded very different from the truth." (sings) NEXT, TO THE LIBRARY'S BACK EDITIONS TO SEE WHAT THE WITNESSES SAID "I was engaged to be married to Virginia Rappe at the time of her death. Would I kill Arbuckle? Yes. I feel just as would any other man with red blood in his veins. I will not deny that I have said I would kill him if we were to meet. I hope the law will punish him and that he will receive full justice for the crime.Arbuckle is the result of ignorance and too much money.... There are some people who are a disgrace to the film business. They get enormous salaries and have not sufficient balance to keep right. They are the kind who resort to cocaine and opium and who participate in orgies that are of the lowest character. They should be driven out of the picture business. I am no saint, but I have never attended one of their parties. Virginia's friends were decent people, and I know she would not have associated with any one she knew to be vile." "He said 'I've been waiting to get you for five years!" Then he took her in the bathroom, and I heard screaming." Virginia was a nice girl. A very nice girl. I mean, not the kind of girl who would...I mean, she was from a very good family. "I'd kill him." BUT FRIENDS ARE A VALUABLE SOURCE FOR THE TRUTH I CHECKED WITH HIS HOLLYWOOD FRIENDS... "Zey Prevon and Alice Blake are the most potentially damaging witnesses Brady has. Zey's a very pretty blonde, on the voluptuous side, who comes from a fine family. But she also had a bad marriage and a child out of wedlock, which is not the thing to do." Good family? Her mother was a whore, and she was a whore, God rest her sorry little soul. How do I know? You mean besides the fact that she's slept with most of the guys who do pictures? Well, how 'bout this? She had 4 abortions between the ages of 13 and 15. That's how virginal Virginia was. And she was no teenager when she died, neither. Charming, yes. Funny, yes. But not the girl you take home to mother. Fred told you the truth. Look, it's not easy fer me tellin' tales outta school, but there's a story about when she was working for Sennett over at Keystone Studios...she hadn't been there a month before she'd slept with most of the guys there. What nobody knew was...don't tell anybody I told you this...what nobody knew was that she had crabs. You know, lice? And all the guys she slept with got crabs. It was awful, but kinda funny, you know, 'cause the guys who were scratchin', you knew where they'd been. It got so bad that Mack Sennett had to have the place fumigated. Now that's a true story, or so they say. But you didn't hear it from me. As for Lehrman...Henry Lehrman was a pretty good director, but nobody calls him any more. He's not a very nice guy. In fact, he's a louse. Maybe that was a poor choice of words. I don't know if he really was engaged to Virginia, but if he was, he must have smelled money. MANY WOULD TESTIFY MUCH WOULD CONFLICT WHO SHOULD WE REALLY BELIEVE? Virginia came from a good family. Virginia was a good girl. Roscoe Arbuckle has caused the death of a sweet, beautiful, fashionably dressed young lady...who was my dear friend. And I'll be happy to swear out a warrant against Arbuckle any time they want me to. Oh, yeah. I know Maude. Maude Delmont had a reputation around the studios as Madame Black. She'd make a deal with the studio bigwigs to provide girls for orgies, but then she'd show up at their offices a week or two after the party and try to blackmail 'em. Maude Delmont. The Black Widow. "I've never hurt a woman. I never would hurt a woman." Roscoe would never hurt a woman. "Roscoe Arbuckle was no more guilty of that girl's death than I am." WHAT COULD WE REALLY BELIEVE? WHO COULD WE REALLY BELIEVE? WHAT SHOULD WE REALLY BELIEVE? Scene Fifteen, Brady Office. Let 'er rip! Mr. Brady, I'm going to give it to you straight. Maude Delmont is a liar who's wanted for bigamy. She saw a chance to get some free publicity by telling some reporters some wild tales, and for whatever reason, the papers ran 'em. Nothing wrong with that. Free country. Freedom of the press. Only thing is, you've based a murder case on it all, and it's gonna blow up in your face, because it's nothing but a pack of lies. But... Wait. It gets better. I've been with the agency for a number of years now, and when we have to get the goods on somebody, we get the goods on 'em good, but but this guys such a goodie goodie, there's no goods to be got. What are you talking about? I mean to tell you I had a hundred guys helpin' me on this case, from Boston to Mexico, we had guys diggin' back to his childhood in Kansas City, we looked into his years in vaudeville, we scraped the bottom of the barrel in Hollywood, we even investigated an orgy Adolph Zukor held in Beantown in two years ago. You know what we found out? Roscoe Arbuckle is that rare breed...a perfect gentleman. Oh, sure, he likes his liquor, so do I, for that matter, who doesn't...frankly, Mr. Brady, we found out the same thing about you...but as far as his morals and his sense of decency, he's generally regarded as the most chaste man in Hollywood. And I'd have to advise against your putting Maude Delmont on the stand. The defense has retained Gerald McNab. I don't have to tell you what a forceful opponent he can be. He'll rip her apart and make a monkey out of you. Not that you'll be able to...she and Semnacher have blown town. I hear she's starring in vaudeville as the Woman Who Swore the Murder Charge Against Arbuckle. You haven't been any help to me at all. Some guys might think it was helpful to be warned they had no case against an innocent man before they made a public spectacle of prosecuting him. We're in a bit deep for that now. Sorry, pal. Just doin' my job. Wish we could have helped you out. But maybe next time you know better than to issue a charge of murder based on what a publicity seeking blackmailer tells the tabloid press. Get out.
What do we do now? We win this case.
Roscoe!
How long have you been home? Just about a week. But it'll be a long time before I get the stench of that cell out of my mind. Aww, Minta, you look great. Thanks, Roscoe. You look good too, considering.... Considering I've gone from being the man everybody loves to being the man everybody loves to hate? You've been drinking too, haven't you. Oh, Roscoe, aren't you in enough trouble? I know, I know, but it's the injustice of it all, Minta...If I get enough hooch in me, I don't care so much about the injustice of it. When I'm drunk enough, I can still find the humor in this mess. Humor? (He sings "That's A Laugh") I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SILENT AMID THE LIES THEY SHOUT SO I MAINLY KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT SINCE IT'S TRUTH THEY'RE DROWNING OUT AND I THINK THE STATE'S ATTORNEY TELLS THE BIGGEST LIES BY FAR BUT I KEEP MY OUTRAGE SILENT TO MAINTAIN MY REPUTATION AS THE FAMOUS SILENT STAR MY RIGHT TO BE SILENT? ...THAT'S A LAUGH! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO A FAIR TRIAL WHAT A FAIR AFFAIR IT'S BEEN THOUGH I ONCE WAS FAIR TO MIDDLIN' ALL THIS FAIRNESS DOES ME IN I ONCE WAS FAIRLY HEALTHY BUT NOW I'M FEELING FAIRLY DOUR THOUGH I ONCE WAS FAIRLY WEALTHY I'VE LOST A FAIR AMOUNT OF MONEY AND I'VE GONE FROM FAIR TO POOR MY RIGHT TO A FAIR TRIAL? ...THAT'S A LAUGH! HURRY, HURRY, STEP RIGHT UP DON'T MISS THE MEDIA CIRCUS I'M WITH ALL THE SIDESHOW FREAKS SEE HOW HARD THEY WORK US TREATMENT BY THE LEGAL CLOWNS ISN'T ALWAYS KIND ...GUESS THE SPOTLIGHT'S GLARE IS WHAT IS MAKING JUSTICE BLIND I HAVE A RIGHT TO A PRESUMPTION THAT I AM INNOCENT AT FIRST BUT I DON'T PRESUME THAT FACTOR HAS AFFECTED MISTER HEARST I WAS CHAPLIN'S HEIR PRESUMPTIVE BUT NOW THAT'S OVER, I PRESUME AND THE INNOCENT PRESUMPTION THAT WHEN I'M VINDICATED AS I HOPE I'M VINDICATED MY CAREER CAN RESUME ... THAT'S A LAUGH!
10 AM, November 14, 1921, jury selection began. Arbuckle was heard to say to the defense team... We're ready to shoot! Okay, okay, already...Scene seventeen, San Francisco Superior Court, the Honorable Justice Louderbeck presiding, come on people, this is serious shit here, no fucking around please. QUIET!!!
I presume you gentlemen have established your citeria for the rejection of potential jurors? Obviously, we will be rejecting any witnesses who are movie fans, who read fan magazines, who have read newspaper accounts of the case, "or who have political ambitions in the upcoming election year." We will not be able to accept, for reasons that should be apparent to your honor, anyone who had previously heard that the prohibition laws had been violated during the course of the party, and neither will we "be able to accept any women who are members of any women's groups." If we have reached an understanding, let us begin. The first juror interviewed was John C. Medley. Mr. Medley..."Would you take into consideration as evidence in the case the fact that witnesses for the prosecution had been threatened with imprisonment in the county jail if they refused to make certain affadavits?" (outraged) Objection! U'REN "That statement is a vile lie aimed at influencing the jurors against the prosecution. If you believe such slander will win your case, you are sadly mistaken Mr. McNab. We will reject every juror on those grounds if necessary." "Mr. U'Ren, I will bring seven witnesses into this court to prove that this is more than an allegation, this is a charge. You have tampered with, threatened, and intimidated witnesses into lying.You know this is true, and I know this is true. By the time this trial is done, the world will know this is true, as God is my witness."
This is a lie! Mr. McNab, these are weighty allegations. Substantiation of them will prolong a hearing which has already proven to be less than speedy. We acknowledge the grounds of the prosecution's dismissal of Mr. Medley. The next juror interviewed was one Helen Hubbard. Mrs. Hubbard, "are you a member of or do you have any affiliation with any women's mobs?" Objection! "You cannot call women's groups 'mobs'." "Are you affiliated with any vigilance committees?" Objection! "We have no such vigilance groups in San Francisco." "How about vigilante, then?" Objection!!! Order, order, I will not permit this court to be used as a carnival midway! All right, let's talk about something else."Would you consider previous testimony of bladder trouble a reflection on an unfortunate girl's morals?" Objection! "When McNab puts in that evidence, he is to introduce it with the intent to attack the morals of the girl. His proposal is to tie up the jurors as to affect such evidence will have on his or her mind. A juror at this time cannot tell what effect certain statements will have on his (or her) mind later." "If it is shown by scientific testimony that the unfortunate girl had a diseased bladder from an immoral life, would that prejudice you?" "Gentlemen, are we arguing the case or drawing a jury here?" Jury selection continued to be consistently acrimonious. But as is usually the case, the attorneys eventually selected 12 jurors. After forty-three people had been interviewed, the prosecution and the defense had agreed upon seven men and five women. The trial was soon underway. The prosecution did what they could to keep Maude Delmont's name out of the record. The prosecution calls Grace Halston. Grace Halston was a young student nurse.The young lady testified that she believed a number of Virginia Rappe's injuries and lesions, to the area of her reproductive and surrounding organs, had been the result of force by a man. She glowered at Arbuckle throughout her testimony. But reporters who covered the case said she bit her lip nervously throughout the examination, and appeared to look to Brady himself for the answers to certain questions. "Miss Halston, you claim you saw several organ ruptures and lesions on the bladder during your examination." Yes. "I would like to know what qualified you to examine the body because you are neither a physician nor a graduate nurse." Objection! Over-ruled. You will answer the question. Is this true? "Yes, this is true." His first witness having been discredited, Brady turned to an attending physician, Arthur Beardsley. What, in your opinion, could have caused the fatality? I observed her injuries, and they seem to have been the result of outside force. Did you know anything about the deceased? I tried to find out her history by interviewing Mrs. Maude Delmont, but she did not cooperate. No further questions. "Did Mrs. Delmont or Miss Rappe intimate to you that Mr. Arbuckle was responsible for her condition?" Objection! Over-ruled. Sit down, Mr. U'Ren. Please answer the question, Dr. Beardsley. "Did you ask Miss Rappe if Mr. Arbuckle had anything to do with her injuries?" "No." "Did you ask her if Mr. Arbuckle had assaulted her?" "I did not." "Did you ask Mrs. Delmont if anybody had assaulted Miss Rappe?" Objection! Sustained. "Did Mrs. Delmont tell you anyone had injured the girl?" Objection. Sustained. Did you notice any signs of intoxication? "It was evident that I was dealing with an operative case. I saw no evidence of intoxication. Any evidence of intoxication was overshadowed by the girl's extreme pain." "If you saw that Miss Rappe would benefit from surgery, why was no surgery ordered at that time? (He shrugs.)You have no answer. I wonder if Miss Rappe might be alive today if you had. No further questions." The prosecution called Zey Prevon, who retold the story that the papers had circulated; the guests had all been consuming food and liquor, they had been dancing and behaving mischievously.The prosecution did what they could to portray Virginia Rappe as an innocent girl who was victimized by a worldly hollywood star. Zey Prevon was helpful in this regard. She testified that Virginia was a good girl, and the party was wicked. And that the party took a turn for the worse when Virginia went into the bathroom. Mr. Arbuckle followed her and closed the door."After some time, Mrs. Delmont kicked on the door and said, "Open the door. I want to speak to Virginia. " "Who opened the door?" "Mr. Arbuckle." "What was he doing? He was fumbling with his robe." "What did you do next?" All that I remember is that when Maude and I went into room 1219, Virginia was lying on the bed. A while later, Mr. Arbuckle came in. He was not wearing his robe. His back was wet. Did she say anything at this time? Yes. "She said,"I'm dying, I'm going to die."Then she began tearing at her waist. Mr. Arbuckle entered the room, grabbed at Virginia's waist, and, laughing, began fooling with her. Miss Blake came in and we undressed Virginia. Mrs Delmont and I removed all her clothing." Then Fred Fischbach put her in the bathtub full of ice. After the bath, did she say anything? Yes. What was that? 'He did this to me'. Your witness. When you say Miss Rappe said, 'He did this to me', was this Mr. Arbuckle she was referring to? No.
"Who was she referring to, then?" "Fred Fischbach." "Why did she say Mr. Fischbach had done this to her?" He was the one who put her in a bathtub full of ice.
Did the defendant say anything? "Yes. He said,'Aw, shut her up. I'll throw her out the window if she don't stop yellin'." Zey Prevon had proven to be an obstacle for the defense. Of all the witnesses on the stand, her testimony was, in many ways, the most damaging. It has been said that she had been threatened with jail if she didn't cooperate, and was under pressure from Brady and U'Ren to make her story as damaging as possible. On November 22nd, the defense addressed the issue of reasonable doubt. The burden of proof in this case rests with the state. They must prove to you, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Mr. Arbuckle caused the injuries to Miss Rappe that resulted in her death. In this, we believe, the state has miserably failed to perform. "We intend to show you by the best evidence that it is possible to produce, the words of the dead girl at or about the time of the sad events, exonerating the defendant." The defense calls Dr. Melvin Rumwell. Rumwell was an obstetrician and gynecologist who was rumored to have performed abotions. Speculation persists to this day as to whether he performed one on Virginia. But these things just weren't said in open court. The prosecution steered the discussion through any talk of abortions. The prosecution has portrayed Miss Rappe as a delicate flower...the ideal of youthful feminine innocence. As a gynecologist who was familiar with her history, was Miss Rappe a virgin? Objection! Immaterial. Who better to establish or refute a young woman's virginity than her gynecologist? Objection! The subject of her innocence in this regard was first introduced by the prosecution, your honor. It has become a point of dispute. Sustained. But let me caution you, Mr. McNab, you are treading on thin ice. Was Miss Rappe a virgin? She was not. How do you know? "She had gonorrhea." The prosecution's case began to unravel without Maude Delmont and Al Semnacher. They had practically no evidence or witnesses who were tangible.The defense's case was fairly solid. Arbuckle's lawyers deliberated as to whether or not Roscoe should take the stand in his own defense. He insisted that he had nothing to hide. So it was agreed that Roscoe would be called to the stand after the Thanksgiving holiday. Thanksgiving could not have come at a better time in 1921: Everyone involved was in need of relaxation, and when Roscoe invited Mr. and Mrs. Adolph Zukor and some others to his home for Thanksgiving dinner, the last thing anyone wanted to talk about was the trial....
Arbuckle, it was wonderful of you to invite us to Thanksgiving dinner. Gosh, Mr. Zukor, without your support, the San Francisco District Attorney would have railroaded me into the hoosegow long before now. It's a priviledge that you allow me to show my gratitude by inviting you and the missus to break bread with us. At a time like this, a man needs to enjoy the love and support of his friends. Thanks for your friendship, Mr. Zukor.
Well, Arbuckle, you're a great artist. I just hope everything turns out all right. I'm sure it will, Mr. Zukor. I'm sure it will. Well, is everyone ready to eat? I know I am. Uh, Mr. Zukor, would you like to say grace for us? Why thank you, Roscoe. I'd be delighted.
Ladies first. Serve the ladies first.
But first, a toast to our gracious host and hostess...May justice prevail.
Appetizer? Er, what is it? Sweet and sour traife.
Serve the soup! Serve the soup! Ahem. Where was I? Uh, you were just about to say grace, Mr. Zukor.(aside, sotto voce) I'm sorry about him, Mr. Zukor. It's so hard to find good help these days. (whispering) Think nothing of it, Arbuckle. We've had the same trouble ourselves. Foreigners. Tsk, tsk. Please continue, Mr. Zukor.
(He sings "This Thanksgiving Day") WITH A REVERENTIAL ATTITUDE LET US BOW OUR HEADS AND PRAY TO EXPRESS TO GOD OUR GRATITUDE THIS THANKSGIVING DAY
LET US CLOSE OUR EYES IN REVERENCE WITH RESPECT WE WISH TO PAY TO THE LORD FOR HIS BENEVOLENCE THIS THANKSGIVING DAY
MAY HIS NAME BE EVER GLORIOUS MAY WE ALWAYS SERVE HIS WILL MAKING RIGHTEOUSNESS VICTORIOUS 'TIL A TIME WHEN TIME STANDS STILL
WE ARE PILGRIMS HERE OURSELVES LIKE THE ONES OF LONG AGO AS WE JOURNEY THROUGH THIS WORLD MAY HE GUARD US AS WE GO WITH A REVERENTIAL ATTITUDE LET US BOW OUR HEADS AND PRAY TO EXPRESS TO GOD OUR GRATITUDE THIS THANKSGIVING DAY!
THIS THANKSGIVING DAY!
You stupid sonofabitch! You've humiliated me in front of my dinner guests! How dare you tell me you were a waiter! Sorry, mister, I... Sorry? I'll give you sorry!
I'll kill you, you dumb bastard! So help me, I'll kill you!
...AND STAY OUT! (returning to the dining area.) Oh, ladies, gentlemen, I am so sorry that you had to witness this. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Now, now, Arbuckle, you have enough to worry about. This is so unimportant, really. Please. Relax. Don't give it another thought. (To Minta) The next time you need domestics, I want you to call me. I'll see what I can salvage of that meal. (she exits) How humiliating. There, there, Arbuckle...
Oh, Buster's here!
Sorry I'm late. (pause) Did I miss anything? Well, poor Roscoe hired a waiter who was rather inexperienced. In fact, he...
What's so funny? Well, the waiter who was serving us had these thick glasses, and he must not have had very good eyesight because...
I still don't get it. Well, let's just say he wasn't a very good waiter. Hey, Buster, come here. I want you to meet someone. Mr. Zukor, this is my old pal Buster Keaton. Buster, meet Adolph Zukor. A pleasure to meet you, sir. Well, the pleasure's all mine, Buster. I've been watching you with interest for some time. This man needs no introduction, Arbuckle. Hell, I'd know Buster anywhere. Oh, really? Certainly. Hollywood's really a small town, Keaton, and the first time I saw you in one of Roscoe's flickers, I said to myself, 'That is a memorable actor.' No kiddin'. Yessir, I can spot talent a mile away. Why, I'll bet I could pick you out of a crowd with no effort at all. Is that so? Well, of course. Star quality is an unusual thing, Buster. When an actor has it, their face leaps out at you...
Yessir, it's common knowledge around town. That Adolph Zukor sure has a keen eye for talent. Hell, I'd know Buster ANYWHERE!
Well Buster, if the waiter thing doesn't work out, you can always act. I still don't get it.
The following day, the defense team called their defendant to the winess stand in his own defense. This is a pick-up. Call it 11-A as in apple. Continuation of the courtroom sequence. Background, let's settle it down, shall we? Lock 'er up! And...action!
On September 5th, 1921, at what time and where did you see Miss Virginia Rappe? "She came into room 1220 at about twelve o'clock noon." "Who was there at that time?" "Mr. Fortlouis, Mr. Fischbach and myself. Mrs Delmont came a few minutes later, but I did not invite her." "Who else was there?" "Miss Blake." "Did you invite her?" "No." "Who else?" "Miss Prevon came later." "Did you invite her?" "No." "Who else?" "Mr. Semnacher." Was he invited by you? "Absolutely not." "Did anyone else come to your room at your invitation?" "Miss Taub. She said she needed a lift across town, and I agreed to drive her. I went into the bathroom to get dressed. That's when I found Virginia." "What happened?" "When I walked into 1219, I closed and locked the door, and I went straight to the bathroom and found Miss Rappe on the floor in front of the toilet. She'd been vomiting." "What did you do?" "When I opened the door, the door struck her, and I had to slide in this way to get in, to get by her and get hold of her. Then I closed the door and picked her up. When I picked her up she vomited again. I held her under the waist and the forehead, to keep her hair back off her face so she could vomit. When she finished, I put the seat down then I sat her down on it. 'Can I do anything for you?' I asked her. She said she wanted to lie down. I carried her into 1219 and put her on the bed. I lifted her feet off the floor. I went to the bathroom again and came back in two or three minutes. I found her rolling on the floor between two beds, holding her stomach. I tried to pick her up but I couldn't. I immediately went out of 1219 to 1220 and asked Mrs. Delmont and Miss Prevon to come in. I told them Miss Rappe was sick." What happened then? "Well, Miss Rappe began tearing off her clothes." You mean, she was disrobing? No, I mean she was tearing them off. Like it was urgent. Frantic. She made me think of "a mad dog foaming at the mouth." "Mr. Fischbach came in about that time and asked her to stop tearing her clothes. She was tearing off her dress, and she had just one sleeve hanging by a few threads. I said, all right, if you want that off, I'll take it off for you. And I pulled it off for her and went out of the room." Then what? "Mr. Fischbach put Miss Rappe into a bathtub filled with cold water. Mrs. Delmont put ice in the water and on Miss Rappe. I tried to take some of the ice off Miss Rappe. Mrs. Delmont said,"Leave it here. I know how to take care of Virginia. When I tried to cover Miss Rappe with a bedspread, Mrs. Delmont became angry." Angry? She started hollering and cursing at me and making a lot of noise. She said she knew what was best for Virginia. What did you say to her. "I told Mrs. Delmont to shut up, or I would throw her out the window, and I went out of the room. Mrs. Taub came in and telephoned for the hotel manager. I told Mrs. Delmont the hotel manager was coming up. Mrs. Delmont put a bathrobe on Miss Rappe. We then took her to room 1227." "Cross-examine the witness." On the afternoon of September 5, 1921, did you know how Mrs. Delmont happened to come up there? "No. They all kept stringing in. I didn't know who they were then. I didn't invite them." Were there alcoholic beverages at the party. Yes. What were they? Gin and whiskey. Also some orange juice. Did you imbibe? Yes. So you admit that you consumed alcoholic beverages, in violation of the Volstead act, which you had supplied for a party that you yourself had thrown. Yes, sir. No further questions.
Then the defense surprised everyone. They introduced into evidence the ruptured bladder of Virginia Rappe.
Objection! This is obscene. This is an outrage! Mr. McNab, you'd better have a very good reason for this exhibit. Your honor, I'm calling Dr. Daniel Ervin to the stand as an expert witness in the field of pathology. I wish to prove a medical point concerning the cause of death. (With reservation.) Proceed. Dr. Ervin testified to four facts: He demonstrated the rupture of the bladder,the signs of a persistent and lasting inflammation, evidence of acute peritonitis, and the lack of a pathological change near the rip that preceeded the rupture. So, in your expert opinion, could the injury that resulted in Miss Rappe's death have been caused by external force? "The injury was not and could not have been caused by external force." You're quite certain? Quite. Thank you, Doctor. You may step down. The defense rests. When the defense team was satisfied they had done their job well. They were certain that after the closing arguments had been made, the jury would agree that the only logical verdict was one of acquittal.. (con brio)"We are here to charge Roscoe Arbuckle with manslaughter, that is to say it is charged that during the month of September of this year, he feloniously killed one Virginia Rappe, a human being. We are here to try Roscoe Arbuckle; not Roscoe Arbuckle the comedian, not Roscoe Arbuckle the hero of a thousand laughs, not Roscoe Arbhuckle the nationally known figure, but Roscoe Arbuckle the man. And we are here to try Roscoe Arbuckle, I say the man, the calloused man, the man who can stand in the face of suffering and laugh; the man who can be in the presence of one who is almost in the agonies of death and play jokes and pranks upon that person. We are here to try Roscoe Arbuckle, the man who had no thought when he saw a woman writhing and moaning in pain in his room, no thought, only to get her out of his room, and no thought of calling medical help and medical attendance to relieve the suffering. That is what we are here for. Why his silence, day after day? Why should this man allow a charge of this kind to be placed against him? Why should this man allow his reputation to be dragged up and down this great nation, if all that happened was that Miss Rappe was sick and fell off the bed? And if you believe that that is not true, if you believe that Arbuckle falsified to you upon the stand, if you believe the medical testimony in this case, if you believe the witnesses for the people, and if you believe the writing on the wall, you must return a verdict finding Roscoe Arbuckle guilty of manslaughter as charged in this information. Miss Prevon told us the defendant followed the deceased into room 1219 and closed the door. Yet this man, who makes a living by acting, takes the stand and tells you he didn't see Miss Rappe go into 1219, this man who says he can't remember. He didn't dare tell you he followed her into that room immediately. What occurred then? Did the door open? No. Eventually the door is opened, and Miss Rappe is suffering on the bed, and the defendant announced simply that Miss Rappe is sick. Mr. Fischbach, who braces his shoulders and says he is proud to be a guest of the defendant, this model young man, this paragon of virtue, who never took a drink in his life, this model young husband who walks into a room where a nude young woman lies writhing in agony and performs such as he has testified to. Mr. Fischbach says that he grabbed Miss Rappe, a poor, weak, suffering girl, grabbed her by the right arm to place her in the tub and therefore caused the bruises on her arm. But when he attempted to demonstrate his actions, he had to admit it was the left arm he grabbed. The statements of this big, kindhearted comedian who has made the whole world laugh: Did he say, 'Get a doctor for this suffering girl?' No. He said, 'Shut up or I'll throw you out the window.' He was not content to stop at throwing her out the window. He attempted to make sport with her by placing ice on her body. This man then and there proved himself guilty of this offense. This act shows you the mental makeup of Roscoe Arbuckle. "Ladies and gentlemen, I ask that you vote to convict this menace." (understatedly)"May it please the court and the ladies and gentlemen of the jury," King David the psalmist said, "In my house, all men are liars. "Had he listened to Mr. Brady, he might have admitted the possibility that not all the liars were in his house. You have heard the old saying that Time Waits for No Man. You have heard of people killing time. But no man ever did, because time kills every man. And on time alone, measured by the prosecution's testimony, there are but ten minutes for it all to have happened. You have heard throughout this case the name of Maude Delmont. Why has the District Attorney not produced this witness so long associated with the gathered evidence? Why has he not placed this witness on the stand so you, the jury, might see and hear her? Miss Prevon and Miss Blake, prosecution witnesses, were imprisoned and gave up their homes under the coercion of the District Attorney. They were put into a private prison. Has he the right to take away the liberty of those two girls that they might swear with him to take away the liberty of an innocent man? We sent 2 million men overseas to put an end to that sort of thing forever. Why should we allow it to continue in San Francisco? Perjured wretches tried, from the stand, to deprive this defendant, this stranger within our gates, of his liberty. The prosecution has shown that Miss Rappe was a young and vital woman with athletic ability. If this was so, if she was in excellent physical condition as the prosecution has tried so diligently to show, then why didn't this girl scream if she was being attacked? If she was trying to get out of the room as the prosecution claimed, why didn't anyone hear her cries for help? The evidence presented on both sides has proven that Virginia Rappe was not a girl in excellent health, but a sickly, broken down woman, as testified to by the District Attorney's own witnesses. That woman lying there writhing and vomiting would not have excited the passions of the lowest beast that was ever called man. You have to take one theory or the other. There isn't any escape from it. If she was in that condition, no man would have touched her. And if she was in the condition of an athlete, no man could have touched without the knowledge of everybody in that part of the building. In the period of ten minutes nothing could have been done. We don't ask any special consideration for Arbuckle because he is a great artist. We claim nothing in him superior to any other American. Only consider him as if he had never been heard of. This man, who has sweetened the lives of millions of little children comes here with his simple story and submits it into your hands. There was no crime here, and Roscoe Arbuckle has needlessly endured enough suffering for one lifetime." The jurors were gone for 48 hours before returning to the courtroom. "We have taken many, many ballots and find it a physical and moral impossibility to reach a verdict." The jury hung at 10 to 2 in favor of acquittal. One of the holdouts in favor of conviction was a Mrs. Helen Hubbard, the wife of a California attorney. "No one can change my mind. I made up my mind he was guilty the moment I heard they'd caught him." We will try the case again. Cut! Cut! That was no good. We'll have to re-shoot. Okay, everybody, take a half hour for lunch. We'll shoot the interior. Roscoe Arbuckle was discouraged and heartsick with the news of the hung jury. Scene Twenty: Arbuckle Home. Let's get this one right, people!
"Minty, we proved to them all that I had nothing to do with that girl's death. We proved that there wasn't even a crime committed. Why do they hate me so? " I know. It's so unfair. But there's nothing to be gained by worrying yourself sick over it. You'll win the next trial. It's the senselessness of it that depresses me. You'll feel better in the morning. What you need is sleep. Sleep. I haven't slept well since September. But you get more sleep when you try to sleep than when you don't. Incidentally, I've laid out your clothes for tomorrow. Choosing one out of all those suits can be one less thing on your mind. Remember when I met you? I only had one. I was a lot happier then. Well, right now, a pair of pajamas will do. Try to get some rest.
Minty, I can never thank you enough for stickin' by me through all this. I know it hasn't been easy for you. I mean, of all the men you had to marry... and divorce... Oh,...never you mind about me. It's past your bedtime. Scoot. Okay, okay...but, really...thanks, Minty. (He gives her a hug and a kiss.) Good night , baby. I love you. (Roscoe, yawning, exits) I love you, too. (She sings "I'll Always Be There") YOU HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS WHEN THE CHIPS WERE HIGH WHERE WERE ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHEN YOUR LUCK RAN DRY? WHEN YOU NEED LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING THEN YOU OUGHT TO RUN TO ME AND YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE YES, YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE AND WHEN YOU NEED ME, I'LL STAND BY YOU I'LL BE TRUE I'LL NEVER JUDGE YOU AND TURN AWAY ANY DAY WHEN YOU HAVE SEEN THE END OF SOME FAIR WEATHER FRIEND WHO'D DENY YOU I'LL STAND BY YOU COME WHAT MAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO BATTLE YOUR FOES ALONE IT'S SO HARD TO FACE STRUGGLES ON YOUR OWN AND WHEN YOUR LIFE IS OVERWHELMING I WILL ALWAYS UNDERSTAND AND YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE YES, YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS... BE THERE FOR YOU WHATEVER YOU DO AS I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR ME WHEN PEOPLE TRULY CARE THEY SHARE SOMETHING RARE WHEN YOU SEE CLOUDS GATHERING FOR A STORM I'LL BE THERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE AND WARM AND WHEN YOU FEEL THE WORLD'S BETRAYED YOU YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME AND YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE YES, YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS... BE THERE FOR YOU WHATEVER YOU DO I'LL BE THERE.... BE THERE FOR YOU!
Arbuckle was determined to win in the next trial, despite the persistent fabrication about the coke bottle, which was never in any way substantiated. But with it, the Court of Public Opinion had admitted innuendo as evidence. Evidence more damaging than anything credible that was actually submitted for the jury's consideration. On January 11th, the manslaughter trial of Roscoe Arbuckle began in earnest...for the second time.
Okay, everybody, listen up! We're gonna take this courtroom scene again. Does everybody know what they're doing this time? All right then, Courtroom, take two!
Much of the testimony was the same. But when Zey Prevon was asked... Did you hear Mr. Arbuckle harming Miss Rappe? I did not. Are you sure? I am certain. But isn't it true that you lied during the first trial? I don't recall. Then I presume you can't tell if you were telling the truth, either. No further questions. Meanwhile, in Tinsel Town, the Postmaster General was threatening to take action against the lewd and degenerate films that the major studios were releasing. In what could best be called a pre-emptive strike, Lewis Selznick brought to the Postmaster a letter drafted by 12 of the most powerful men in Hollywood...including Adolph Zukor. It offered $115,000 annually and tremendous power and influence to oversee the morality and ethos of the movies. Will Hays accepted the offer, and promptly announced that he would make an example of Roscoe Arbuckle if the courts failed in their bid to do so. Roscoe's situation did not improve with the murder of his friend William Desmond Taylor, a prominent Hollywood director, whose murder brought his drug addiction into the glare of the spotlight. One of the murder suspects was Roscoe's friend and costar Mabel Normand. The police had found an autographed picture of Mabel in a locket on the body of the deceased. Hays again promised to rein in the amoral decadence of the movie industry. In spite of such anti-Hollywood sentiment, when the second trial was coming to a close, McNab felt sufficiently confident of a favorable outcome to not call Roscoe to testify. Again, the second jury deadlocked, but without Roscoe's testimony, this time the outcome was different... We were ten to two...in favor of conviction. Cut! Cut! That's just nuts. We're going to have to re-take it again!
With the election nearing, Brady decided it might be best if he didn't risk his reputation on the third trial. Our offices will try the case again, but my assistant, Mr. U'Ren will be representing the people. By now, the prosecution's case was full of holes. Maude Delmont was in jail for bigamy. Al Semnacher was still on the lam. Zey Prevon made herself unavailable. Even Alice Blake was refusing to cooperate with the District Attorney now, no matter what he threatened her with. The defense suggested calling Fred Fischback back to the stand. Arbuckle refused. "I'm on trial here, not Freddy". (visibly rattled) All right, one more time. San Francisco Superior Court. Take Three. Yes, Take Three. Quiet on the set! Lights up....and....ACTION! The third trial of Roscoe Conkling Arbuckle lasted 35 days. All of the same evidence was examined a third time by 12 new men and women and 2 new alternates. What was different was the lack of evidence which had previously been discredited, that being most of the prosecution's case. "We find that on the afternoon of September 5th, a Babylonian feast was in progress in the St. Francis Hotel. And this man who, Mr. McNab says, has made the children of the nation laugh, this man appeared in his pajamas all afternoon. My God! Make the children laugh! As Mr. McNab uttered those words, the thought flashed into my mind: What would the children of America think, and what would the mothers of America say, if they could have seen that man that afternoon, IN PAJAMAS, surrounded by his lords and ladies, pouring wine and drinking booze? Oh, my friends, this is a false issue, trying to appeal to you by speaking of making the children laugh. What hypocrisy! What hypocrisy for this man of such a nature as that to even assume to deceive the children of America with his antics, while underneath his skin lay the rotten nature that has been shown in this case. Oh, this man who makes the world laugh, who makes the world laugh. Thank God he will never make the world laugh again. We ask you to do your duty as men and women of San Francisco. We ask you to do your duty so that when you meet your fellow men, you can look them in the eye. We ask you to do your duty so that when you return to your families, you can take them to your breasts; and we ask you to do your duty so that when you take your little children upon your knees, you will know that you've done what you could to protect them from this defendant and from all the other Arbuckles of the world, now existing and yet to come. And we ask you to do your duty so that his man, and all the Arbuckles of the world, will know that the womanhood of America is not their plaything." But the defense team left nothing to chance, and went over every step of the case meticulously. When the time came, the defense concluded in dramatic fashion. (He sings "The Crime of the Century") LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY FOR A MONTH NOW YOU HAVE LISTENED TO THE CASE AND SEEN DISPROVEN ALLEGATIONS THAT WE'VE SHOWN COULD NOT TAKE PLACE THE SO-CALLED CRIME OF THE CENTURY.... A LIE IS STILL A LIE EVEN TOLD BY AN OFFICIAL JUSTICE ISN'T SERVED WHEN SUCH INJUSTICE IS JUDICIAL LOOK AT THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY.. FRAMED BY POLITICIANS WITH THEIR OWN AMBITIONS NEVER TO RESTORE HIS TARNISHED NAME GROSS HUMILIATION, SCANDAL AND SENSATION ROSCOE'S BIGGEST CRIME WAS HAVING FAME STANDARDS FOR A FAIR TRIAL AREN'T JUST FOR PURISTS JURISPRUDENCE COUNTS UPON THE PRUDENCE OF THE JURISTS LOOK AT THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY BUT THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY TAKES ON A DIFFERENT SHAPE WHEN WE STOP TO CONTEMPLATE THERE'S NEITHER MURDER HERE NOR RAPE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY WE HAVE TAKEN UP ENOUGH OF YOUR TIME WHILE I CONCUR, THIS WAS THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY THE RUINATION OF MY CLIENT IS THE CRIME. The third jury to hear the case reached it's verdict in less than 6 minutes, and read an unprecedented statement... "Acquittal is not enough for Roscoe Arbuckle. We feel that a great injustice has been done him. We feel also that it was our only plain duty to give him this exoneration. There was not the slightest proof adduced to connect him in any way with the commission of a crime. "He told a straightforward story on the witness stand, which we all believed. The happening at the hotel was an unfortunate affair for which Arbuckle, so the evidence shows, was in no way responsible. We wish him success and hope that the American people will take the judgment of fourteen men and women who have sat listening for thirty-one days to the evidence that Roscoe Arbuckle is entirely innocent and free from all blame." That is all.
Hey, Fatty, what's up next? Say Arbuckle, how do ya feel? Anything you want to tell the fans, Roscoe? It's Over IT'S OVER (spoken) "Since everything is straightened out at last and I am cleared of all the charges, I hope that all my friends will be as ready to welcome me back on the screen as I shall be glad to get back. (cheer)I like to make people laugh and enjoy themselves. It pleases me because children are amused at my pictures, and I have always tried very hard not to do anything in any picture that would offend or be bad for the children." THE CHILDREN THE LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN TELL ALL OF THE CHILDREN I'M STILL THEIR FRIEND WE'LL START MAKING BRAND NEW PICTURES THEN WE CAN ALL LAUGH ONCE AGAIN "One really good thing has come out of all this trouble. It has been the means of reuniting my wife and myself after five years of separation. We are happy to be together again, and we have discovered that the things that kept us apart were very unimportant after all. Mrs. Arbuckle has been wonderfully loyal to me during all this trouble. She came all the way across the continent to be with me, and every minute she has stuck by me. Her faith and love have been my greatest helps all these long hard weeks." MY MINTA MY DARLING WIFE, MINTA I'M LUCKY IN HAVING YOU FOR MY WIFE I'M GRATEFUL FOR YOUR SUPPORT, DEAR YOU'RE SUCH A BLESSING IN MY LIFE
"I have always rested my cause in a profound believe in Divine Justice and in the confidence of the great heart and fairness of the American people. I want to thank the multitude from all over the world who have telegraphed and written to me in my sorrow and expressed their utmost confidence in my innocence. I shall never let them regret their faith in me." IT'S OVER THANK HEAVEN IT'S OVER THIS TORTURE IS FINALLY THROUGH AT LAST LET'S LOOK TO A NEW BEGINNING LET'S LEAVE THIS CHAPTER IN THE PAST IT'S FINALLY OVER AT LAST IT'S OVER AT LAST! YEAH!
Roscoe Arbuckle was found not guilty in the eyes of the law, and in The New York Times, The New York Daily News and the New York Tribune, the acquittal was front page news. But the many Hearst papers carried the story in regular type, with smallish headlines generally between pages 6 and 12. Their blurbs made mention of the unprecedented $110,000 Arbuckle had paid for his acquittal, and that Will Hays was still going to ban all of his pictures on principle. Hays had already banned the films of Mabel Normand. And it had been his solemn pledge to clean up Hollywood. Since there was no radio to speak of, most of America west of the Rockies was unaware that Roscoe had been acquitted, since the only papers that carried the story after that were in the Hearst syndicate. Arbuckle lived out the next 11 years in despair and anonymity. He also drank too much. He was forced to direct under his father's name, "William Goodrich", which Buster Keaton joked should have been... Will B. Good. One of the films he was hired to direct was The Red Mill, a film starring Marion Davies, and produced by William Randolph Hearst. One day, during a break, Arbuckle asked his boss... Hey, Mr. Hearst, can I ask you somethin'? Yes, Roscoe, what is it? When you had all your papers write all those things about me...all that...stuff... Yes? Why'd you do it? Look. "It was nothing personal. I was just trying to sell my papers." But... Yep, "I sold more papers with your trial than I did with the sinking of the Lusitania." As I said, Arbuckle, nothing personal. It was just business. (sings - reprise Big Numbers) WE CAN'T SELL OUR ADS WITHOUT BIG NUMBERS GET THE BULLSHIT TO THEIR STOOP AS THE CITY SLUMBERS THIS GAME IS ALL ABOUT BIG NUMBERS
Roscoe's reunion with Minta proved to be short-lived, as well. But he remarried in 1931, and he made a series of vitaphone shorts with sound. They say that work leads to work, and so it was: In 1933, when Warner Brothers finally signed him for a talking Fatty Arbuckle feature film . He dined out with some friends to celebrate, went home with his second wife, and and got into bed.While she was getting dressed for bed, she made a joke. She heard Roscoe laugh. She chatted on to him for some time, until she realized he hadn't said anything since she'd heard him laugh.. The coroner would say that he had died peacefully in his sleep, a smile on his face. They say he died of cardiac arrest, but if you ask me, that's just another way of sayin' "he died of a broken heart." The last thing I heard was his laugh.
A beloved comedian was set up by friends he trusted, slandered in the press he had always accommodated, bankrupted by a DA with political aspirations, blacklisted in the industry he helped to create for that which he'd been acquitted of in a court of law. Cut! Okay, check the gate. Print it. That's a wrap! That's the whole story. Guess you could call it a comic-tragedy. Another good example of why it stinks to be a detective sometimes. That's why I quit the Pinkertons shortly after the case was over. 'Cause sometimes even the wins feel like losses. I stayed in San Francisco, and started to write stories...they always tell you that you should write what you know about, so I wrote detective stories... whodunits, mostly. Pretty soon, I found a publisher. Next thing you know, I'm a writer. For professional reasons, I dropped my first name, and wrote under my middle name...Dashiell Hammett. (Buster has wandered on behind Hammett.) Son of a gun. You're Dashiell Hammett?
bring this up...NOW? Well gosh, you're about the last guy we'd look to for a big finish in a musical comedy. What the hell are you talking about? Cut! Cut! You people aren't following the story board. Were these changes approved? Continuity! I thought we were wrapped! Well, I mean, in a Dashiell Hammett story, every body gets shot up at the end. Cops. Detectives. That's fine for a gangster yarn, but a musical? I mean, we don't want this to be too depressing, do we? (entering) Yeah, I don't think Roscoe Arbuckle would allow this thing to wrap up on a down note, do you? Hell, no. Come on, Arbuckle, get off the set, willya, you aren't in this shot! And who the heck is this guy? We aren't shooting a movie here. If we were, I'd be getting a lot more money. (Picks up SLATE MAN'S slate board.) Besides, these things didn't come in until sound.
I mean, Roscoe did have one hundred per cent creative control, right? The man's done his homework. And if you're gonna give a guy 3 million a year to get laughs for you, you must trust his ability to get them. Am I right? I should hope so. And it was about the laughs, wasn't it? Making people smile, and forget their worries...I mean, isn't that what it was all about for him? You're darned tootin'. Goddamn it, I will not stand for this sort of onstage ad-libbing. We've rehearsed this thing for WEEKS now, and I think you do a serious disservice to everyone by cutting up in this manner. I refuse to be a party to such shenanigans. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry you had to experience this. I hope you won't let this display spoil an otherwise engaging, informative evening. I hope you'll take away from this experience the truth of the story, not just the ugly lies and myths. Furthermore, I trust you won't identify me with this loutish, amateurish behavior. I have always believed that the most important thing in the theater is PROFESSIONALISM! (The Op strikes a pose of dramatic dignity.) Big Finish. Roll 'em!
(He chants) IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE ROMANCE IS HAZARDOUS STUFF SOME PEOPLE THINK IT'S A BORE AND SOME JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH BUT LOVIN' MAKES YOU COMPLETE AND LETS YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE A SENSE OF HUMOR'S REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO HOPE TO SURVIVE
YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, YOU'VE LEAVE 'EM WITH A SMILE LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO MAKE IT THE GOAL OF YOUR SOUL TO MAKE 'EM ROLL IN THE AISLE YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR 'EM HOWLING WHEN YOU LEAVE, AND MAKE YOUR EXIT RIGHT ON CUE.... GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, THOUGH YOU KNOW THE JOKE'S ON YOU.
(spoken) One more Time! Now, everybody!
(sung) YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, YOU'VE GOT LEAVE 'EM WITH A SMILE LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO MAKE IT THE GOAL OF YOUR SOUL TO MAKE 'EM ROLL IN THE AISLE YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR 'EM HOWLING AS YOU LEAVE, AND MAKE YOUR EXIT RIGHT ON CUE.... GOT TO LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING AS YOU GO, THOUGH YOU KNOW THE JOKE'S ON YOU
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